Mother | a title that holds so much love, so much weight, so much pain. A swelling experience that consumes us and connects us.
Words come easy for me. But not today. Because I have big things to say. So I'll start here. My name is Jennifer. I am a teacher, mentor, and dreamer. I lead movement classes all over Boston, the city I live in. I am privileged to train the most wonderful humans. This page was created because I wanted to share my comings and goings as a Pilates instructor. Through the years the space evolved past fitness into a diary of my life. My journey led me to a wonderful man and I've been his wife for 8 years. And I am a Mother. I have two little boys who call me Mama, but I've actually been pregnant three times.
This March I experienced an ectopic pregnancy. My third baby was growing in one of my fallopian tubes. In a dark room I was told there was no heartbeat and in that moment, I thought I was going to lose mine too. In the days to follow I struggled with the reality that I was never going to hold this third child in my arms. All the while my body still thought it was pregnant - for 36 excruciating days to be exact. It's hard to explain but during this time I needed to do something. I desperately craved freedom from the dark waves, that came in the silence. I knew I had to face and honor my experience in order to move forward.
With the support of two beautifully talented friends I was given an opportunity to release myself, in a way that was authentic to me. Through movement, through a lens, I let it all go. Therapy comes in many forms and my time in that room was healing. As much as this project was for me, it is also for some of you.
I'd give anything to tell you a different story. This isn't easy, but it needs to be said. No one gave me permission to slash the silent 'stigma' and share. But I'm going to.
On Mother's Day weekend my Instagram page will be taken over with my very personal photo story. It's the rawest, realest thing I've ever done, which means it won't be for everyone. And that's okay. This is my Motherhood Tribute. It is dedicated to every woman who has ever dreamed about it, ached for it, embodied it, struggled with it or lost it. It is for ALL of us.